“It was important for us to have a parent stay at home with our kids in their early years,” says Dr. Ardoin, who is now an associate professor, adult and pediatric rheumatologist, and division chief of pediatric rheumatology at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Columbus, Ohio, which houses Ohio State University’s Department of Pediatrics. “Taking everything into consideration, it made more financial sense for him to stay home than for me to stay home.”
First: Adrien, with 5-year-old Ty, both sporting red and green hair.
Second: The Ardoin family, with Ty and Audrey at 6 years old.
Third: Ty and Audrey at 5 months old.
Fourth: Dr. Ardoin with the twins on their first day of kindergarten.
In June 2005, Dr. Ardoin gave birth to healthy twins and took six weeks off to help care for them. The couple shared ’round-the-clock childcare duties, everything from 2 o’clock in the morning feedings to rocking the babies back to sleep. After Dr. Ardoin went back to work, Adrien took over as the primary caregiver. Dr. Ardoin relieved her husband in the evenings to give him a well-deserved break and gain bonding time with the infants.
“Caring for two infants at one time, Adrien became especially skilled at changing diapers and would sometimes correct my technique when doing it,” she jokingly says.
Thousands of diaper changes later, the couple has no regrets. The outcome proved to be the right choice for everyone involved. The twins—Ty and Audrey—are now healthy, happy 14-year-olds. Dr. Ardoin achieved her career goal of becoming a pediatric rheumatologist. Her husband created his dream job by building a thriving, online business that offers college-level English literature and history courses to home-schooled teenagers and also prepares them for advanced placement college exams.
“I would make the same decision all over again,” says Dr. Ardoin. “I could not have accomplished the things I did without Adrien’s help.”
Best of Both Worlds
After graduating from the Ohio State University College of Medicine in 1997, Dr. Ardoin completed a combined residency in 2001 in internal medicine and pediatrics at the school. During the next year, she served as its chief resident of internal medicine and then transferred to Duke University School of Medicine to work on a combined fellowship in adult and pediatric rheumatology for the next four years.
In 2006, she served on Duke’s School of Medicine faculty, but returned to Ohio with her young family in 2009, accepting the position of assistant professor at Ohio State University and Nationwide Children’s Hospital.
“Some of the funny things I remember was when our son would only take a nap while lying on my husband’s lap,” she says. “So for two years, Adrien also took a two-hour nap every day. He was in the best mood because of all the sleep he was able to get.”
The couple found unique ways to connect during the workday. There were many picnic-style lunches, class parties and after-school soccer games. Dr. Ardoin was also the go-to source for anything medical, such as rashes or fevers. It didn’t take long before a comfortable routine was created.
‘It was important for us to have a parent stay at home with our kids in their early years,’ says Dr. Ardoin.
However, when the children began attending elementary school, the traditional mothers of students didn’t quite know what to make of Mr. Mom. Despite their surprising reactions, Dr. Ardoin says Adrien has long been an established member of their huge social network. They still text him with news and invite him to mom-type activities.
While she credits her husband with creating a rich and diverse environment for their children, she does believe there is one thing she would have done better had she stayed home instead of him: housework.
“If I [had] stayed home, the house would have been much cleaner,” she says. “He also deferred wardrobe choices to me. I was the one who took them shopping for clothes.”
This past summer, Audrey confirmed that her parents’ decision was the right one and offered perhaps the best compliment any daughter could give her mother. “She said, ‘Mom, I’m really glad that I have an example of a really strong woman to guide me,’” says Dr. Ardoin. “That was really nice to hear. It made me really happy.”
Modern Views
Over the years, people have asked Dr. Ardoin if there was ever a problem with her being the breadwinner. She usually laughs, believing these are old-fashioned ideas that lack merit.
Click here to listen to Dr. Ardoin talk about the difficulties related to role expectations.
“I never saw this as mine or his but ours,” she says. “We both worked really hard for everything we’ve accomplished together. I hope at some point in the not-too-distant future, that this isn’t something unusual, that it’s not surprising at all.”
Carol Patton, a freelance writer based in Las Vegas, Nev., writes the Rheum after 5 column for The Rheumatologist.
